I just signed up again for Weight Watchers. Last September I signed up for the first time and for the first time in my life was successful at weight loss. When I followed it properly, it worked great. But eventually, as I always do, I got lazy. I thought, I could go one day eating what I want. One day turned into two, turned into three, next thing I know, I fell off the wagon and gave it up completely.
This week I realized that I am back in my old clothes again. The old clothes that were a little big. It feels awful. I feel like I let myself down bigtime this time.
Last September, my goal was to be healthier by the time I turned 30. I am sure that any progress I had is now gone and I have to start all over.
So starting today, I need to take this seriously. I need to be accountable for my own actions. I need to kick my own butt. If there's anyone out there reading this, I need your help. Encourage me to do what's best for me. Help me realize when I screw up.
My last excuse for not joining WW again was that my at work sessions didn't start again. They couldn't get the quota of people so it wasn't happening. Then today my latest excuse was when we found out that Chris's truck needs about $1000 in repairs. When I heard that number, in my head, I thought I could not justify spending the money for WW, and the additional money I spend buying special foods when I am on program.
I told Chris today I wasn't going to sign up, and he asked if it had to do with the truck repairs. When I said yes, he told me he couldn't believe that I would sacrifice my health for that. He has a point. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good again.
I hope that this is the change I need to make things better. I hope that feeling better makes everything else in my life right now fall into place.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I can't be a mouse mommy...
Braden could not wait to play baseball with Chris today. He talked about it all day yesterday, after we saw Shayne change into his baseball uniform, and then again when we bought a baseball hat for 99 cents at Crazy 8. (99 cent hat, yay!!)
As Chris and Brady were walking down the stairs, I hear Chris stop, and say, get me a big container. Last time I heard that there was a massive spider in the basement. I get a gladware container, and come to the top of the stairs. I see Chris approaching a small black spot at the bottom... and I look closer and see a mouse.
Chris is creeping toward it, hoping not to disturb it. I watched as he got to the bottom of the steps and traps the mouse in the container. Braden is very interested in the mouse at this point. Chris brought it back upstairs, and when I saw it, I saw that it was just a baby. Very small, with eyes barely open. Chris showed the mouse to Braden, and we gave it a cracker to see if it would eat.
Braden was fascinated by the mouse. All he wanted to do was pet it, hold the container, and talk to it. I knew we couldn't keep it, but Chris still asked me to look online to see how to care for a young baby mouse. All the sites said that you have to feed it special formula, with a small dropper, every few hours. I knew that it was not practical to keep it, so the mouse just sat around for a few hours.
After Braden's nap, he got up and the first thing he asked was "Where mouse"? He ran right to the container. After talking to it for a minute or two, he said to me, "The mouse is my friend". We had explained to him earlier that we were looking for the mouse's mommy to take care of it and we couldn't keep it. He asked again, "Where mouse mommy?" and I told him again that we hadn't found the mommy yet. He said, "I find mouse mommy myself." After I told him that we couldn't find the mommy, he said, "Mommy, you be mouse mommy too". It almost made me cry. Between the "mouse friend" and him asking me to be "mouse mommy", I didn't know what to do.
Earlier, I had started to explain to him that the mouse may not wake up when he is asking it to get up. I was prepared, since it was just a baby, for it to die today. I didn't know how long it was without food or water. Chris decided that we should go to the pet store, to see what they think we should do, to either keep it, or have them help us.
After arriving at the pet store, Chris asks around, and we find a girl that knows about small animals. We show her the mouse we have and ask what she thinks we can do to help it. She explains that they have a few mother rats in the back that have babies, and that usually when a baby animal (mouse, hamster, etc) is not taken care of, they take it to the mother rats and they take care of the baby. So we explain to Braden that we did not find the mouse's mommy, but we found A mouse mommy that will take care of his mouse.
We walk back to the back of the store and in the back room. At first I was so nervous that Braden would be upset... Chris had him say goodbye to his "mouse friend" before we gave him up. As the girl put the mouse into the tank with the rats, Braden was watching intently as all of the other baby rats started to crawl onto the mouse, and the mouse snuggled up to the mommy rat. I was amazed that there were no tears, nothing sad from Braden, except just a "Goodbye mouse friend." The only sad thing is thinking of what becomes of rats in the pet store... but, at least he will have a better chance than dying alone in my basement.
Several times today with the mouse situation I was moved to tears. I can't believe I taught my son so much compassion in his short life. Watching him as he cared about this small animal that he just met, and listening to him talk to his "mouse friend", and even offering to share his mommy with the mouse... I just couldn't believe how sweet he was.
As Chris and Brady were walking down the stairs, I hear Chris stop, and say, get me a big container. Last time I heard that there was a massive spider in the basement. I get a gladware container, and come to the top of the stairs. I see Chris approaching a small black spot at the bottom... and I look closer and see a mouse.
Chris is creeping toward it, hoping not to disturb it. I watched as he got to the bottom of the steps and traps the mouse in the container. Braden is very interested in the mouse at this point. Chris brought it back upstairs, and when I saw it, I saw that it was just a baby. Very small, with eyes barely open. Chris showed the mouse to Braden, and we gave it a cracker to see if it would eat.
Braden was fascinated by the mouse. All he wanted to do was pet it, hold the container, and talk to it. I knew we couldn't keep it, but Chris still asked me to look online to see how to care for a young baby mouse. All the sites said that you have to feed it special formula, with a small dropper, every few hours. I knew that it was not practical to keep it, so the mouse just sat around for a few hours.
After Braden's nap, he got up and the first thing he asked was "Where mouse"? He ran right to the container. After talking to it for a minute or two, he said to me, "The mouse is my friend". We had explained to him earlier that we were looking for the mouse's mommy to take care of it and we couldn't keep it. He asked again, "Where mouse mommy?" and I told him again that we hadn't found the mommy yet. He said, "I find mouse mommy myself." After I told him that we couldn't find the mommy, he said, "Mommy, you be mouse mommy too". It almost made me cry. Between the "mouse friend" and him asking me to be "mouse mommy", I didn't know what to do.
Earlier, I had started to explain to him that the mouse may not wake up when he is asking it to get up. I was prepared, since it was just a baby, for it to die today. I didn't know how long it was without food or water. Chris decided that we should go to the pet store, to see what they think we should do, to either keep it, or have them help us.
After arriving at the pet store, Chris asks around, and we find a girl that knows about small animals. We show her the mouse we have and ask what she thinks we can do to help it. She explains that they have a few mother rats in the back that have babies, and that usually when a baby animal (mouse, hamster, etc) is not taken care of, they take it to the mother rats and they take care of the baby. So we explain to Braden that we did not find the mouse's mommy, but we found A mouse mommy that will take care of his mouse.
We walk back to the back of the store and in the back room. At first I was so nervous that Braden would be upset... Chris had him say goodbye to his "mouse friend" before we gave him up. As the girl put the mouse into the tank with the rats, Braden was watching intently as all of the other baby rats started to crawl onto the mouse, and the mouse snuggled up to the mommy rat. I was amazed that there were no tears, nothing sad from Braden, except just a "Goodbye mouse friend." The only sad thing is thinking of what becomes of rats in the pet store... but, at least he will have a better chance than dying alone in my basement.
Several times today with the mouse situation I was moved to tears. I can't believe I taught my son so much compassion in his short life. Watching him as he cared about this small animal that he just met, and listening to him talk to his "mouse friend", and even offering to share his mommy with the mouse... I just couldn't believe how sweet he was.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Resolutions
Every year I make New Year's Resolutions. This year my resolution was not to make a resolution.
Last year's resolutions hit me pretty hard. First and foremost, I wanted to lose weight. Typical, right? Well, I realized that I was turning 30 in 2008, and I wanted to be healthy for the first time ever. So I tried diet and exercise, and quit pretty quickly. Joined Weight Watchers again in September, which is the first thing that ever worked for me. But I have been following it loosely.
Second resolution: To stop biting my nails. I have been doing it for years. Way too long. It would be wonderful to look at my hands and see a woman's hands, not the hands of a nervous teenager biting my nails down to nubs. Do you think this one worked? Nope, as I'm typing, I'm looking at my sad, ragged, peeling, nubby nails.
Third resolution: To get organized. It's my dream, a far-fetched one, but I would love to become a personal organizer. That being said, my own life is a bit of a mess. I cannot practice what I preach. I absolutely LOVE to organize other people's things, and I can seem to find solutions on many things that others just don't see in their own homes. Did this one work? Nope. I'm typing in my dining room next to a towering pile of CD's and a basket of papers a mile high.
This year I did not set myself up for disappointment. However, the house is looking better (even better once I put away the Christmas decorations), and I'm starting Weight Watchers again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Last year's resolutions hit me pretty hard. First and foremost, I wanted to lose weight. Typical, right? Well, I realized that I was turning 30 in 2008, and I wanted to be healthy for the first time ever. So I tried diet and exercise, and quit pretty quickly. Joined Weight Watchers again in September, which is the first thing that ever worked for me. But I have been following it loosely.
Second resolution: To stop biting my nails. I have been doing it for years. Way too long. It would be wonderful to look at my hands and see a woman's hands, not the hands of a nervous teenager biting my nails down to nubs. Do you think this one worked? Nope, as I'm typing, I'm looking at my sad, ragged, peeling, nubby nails.
Third resolution: To get organized. It's my dream, a far-fetched one, but I would love to become a personal organizer. That being said, my own life is a bit of a mess. I cannot practice what I preach. I absolutely LOVE to organize other people's things, and I can seem to find solutions on many things that others just don't see in their own homes. Did this one work? Nope. I'm typing in my dining room next to a towering pile of CD's and a basket of papers a mile high.
This year I did not set myself up for disappointment. However, the house is looking better (even better once I put away the Christmas decorations), and I'm starting Weight Watchers again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
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